It seems that trying to find peace and happiness totally negates it. The more you look for it, the more it evades you.
You may find it in fleeting moments, and it's these moments that we chase, hoping that the next one will last forever.
When you have worked hard, and achieved the goal that you set out to achieve, and you finally reach the climax, the peace and happiness is there. But then when you start to look more intently and the happiness, at the current state of things you start to see that something is still missing...
It is not complete. Now that you have achieved it, you experience the satisfaction of what you were looking for but there are still holes in it as you start to experience the moment more and more. And so the next pursuit begins with the same consequences.
It is very important to realise that you will never find total peace and total happiness in this word. That deep desire you have, you're not going to find it here...
I'm not being cynical, these are just the facts. But the beautiful irony is that once you have made peace with that fact, you stop chasing it. And once you stop chasing it, you find it.
What you are seeking is not to be found in this world. It lies completely beyond this world. And you already have it in that world. It is already totally at your disposal.
We put of happiness and peace to the next moment, next achievement and next relationship. You disallow yourself happiness until you have reached the goals you set for yourself without realising that you already had it all along.
Try this: Acknowledge that life is going to disappoint you. God might disappoint you. You will experience pain and setbacks. Life is not against you, it is teaching you to let go of what you think you want so that you may take hold of what you already have.
Stop seeking it "in this life" and realise it has already taken hold of you in the more real and tangible spiritual life.
Sunday, June 14, 2020
Monday, May 4, 2020
Beyond the divide
We live in a world of right and wrong, good and evil. It seems we are trapped in it. In each situation there is the right way, the wrong way and the grey middle ground. All disagreements, wars, corruption and brokenness is born out of this system of right and wrong. It brings gross separation between us because we divide ourselves and the world around us up in little pieces of right and wrong.
What if there is something beyond good and evil? A place where I don’t have to separate myself from you because of my judgement of right and wrong?
I can still see the difference between the two, but I am not defined by either of those and neither does it have to be the highest governing rule of my life.
Adam and eve lived outside of the knowledge of good and evil. They knew neither. They found themselves in a “spiritual” state where those concepts had no rime or reason - They were in paradise…
As soon as they desired and got hold of the knowledge of good and evil, they fell. To fall means that you were obviously at a higher state previously. So adam and eve were at a higher state by not knowing good and evil. Now they made this the basis of their lives, their thinking, their judging of themselves and the world around them.
Out of this sin was born. Sin which is the basis of all suffering, corruption and death in all forms. It seems that humanity is trying to solve it’s problems by separating good from evil. It is trying to fix the evil in the world and in itself by separating the evil from the good - thinking that it’s the way to get back to paradise.
The problem is of course that the very framework that it uses to get back to paradise is the precisely the governing problem.
Enter the spiritual world.
Truly real
What is true?
Are your thoughts, feelings and perception of life the truth?
By the truth I mean "reality". Is your version of life really "real"?
Does today's worries of what might happen tomorrow reflect reality, or is it just your perception of what might happen?
Does your opinion of that person really reflect reality, or is it just what you have personally come to experience and believe in.
Are you omnipresent as to know the reason and motive behind things?
We have to ask ourselves how much of what we think to be true, is in fact true and real. The older we get the deeper our beliefs, opinions and emotions gets engraved into our minds and hearts. We start to believe in our own fake version of reality with fierce passion. It has become become what defines us.
Each person their own version of reality.
Our deepest misperception usually lie in who we see ourselves to be.
My wish is to disconnect from my version of life. To see anew. To see from outside of myself and not from within. To see as God sees. Not primarily with my mind, but with my spirit, through the Holy Spirit.
At the end of the day there is only one reality. One truth. And that is God's opinion. God's viewpoint and reality. Anything outside of that is a lie, a fabrication and it doesn't exist.
An old word, but so relevant now: God, format my brain, change my name and let me see your glory again.
Are your thoughts, feelings and perception of life the truth?
By the truth I mean "reality". Is your version of life really "real"?
Does today's worries of what might happen tomorrow reflect reality, or is it just your perception of what might happen?
Does your opinion of that person really reflect reality, or is it just what you have personally come to experience and believe in.
Are you omnipresent as to know the reason and motive behind things?
We have to ask ourselves how much of what we think to be true, is in fact true and real. The older we get the deeper our beliefs, opinions and emotions gets engraved into our minds and hearts. We start to believe in our own fake version of reality with fierce passion. It has become become what defines us.
Each person their own version of reality.
Our deepest misperception usually lie in who we see ourselves to be.
My wish is to disconnect from my version of life. To see anew. To see from outside of myself and not from within. To see as God sees. Not primarily with my mind, but with my spirit, through the Holy Spirit.
At the end of the day there is only one reality. One truth. And that is God's opinion. God's viewpoint and reality. Anything outside of that is a lie, a fabrication and it doesn't exist.
An old word, but so relevant now: God, format my brain, change my name and let me see your glory again.
Saturday, March 30, 2019
The issue of control
I have always struggled with the thought of who is ultimately in control.
Is God in control or am I?
If God is in control, then God is the author of suffering. If i’m fully in control of my life then God is absent and I’m left to my own devices. On top of this, if i'm suffering (while being in control) then i'm a masochist. Hopeless and abandoned. Both of these are scary thoughts.
Another option is that its a case of “sort of” 50/50. God helps out now and again. I’m partly in control and God is partly in control. but his too is problematic. This still means that God authors suffering by not helping out the other 50% of the time. This can also paint him as cruel.
What if it's that God helps out and answers prayers only when i’m a good boy? And if something bad happens while I’m a good boy then there must have been some hidden ‘sin’ in my life. Or God is using suffering to teach me a lesson. But this goes diametrically against the gospel.
I think the answer is much simpler.
Who is in control? It’s not either or, its both and. It’s no longer the case that God is over there and I’m over here; I make some decisions and God makes some. The man upstairs who helps out now and again when he feels like it and the victims of the hard life down below.
Its that there is no longer any separation between me and God. (John 17) Our natural minds like to think in “binary terms” either / or, In / out, Yes / No. But beyond our minds lies our spirits...
Isn’t this what the gospel reveals? God becomes man. The infinite embodies the temporal. The all powerful dressed up in the frail. The God-man. And all of us were adopted into that divine family. We are no longer mere humans but “new creations”, "co-airs" with Christ.
To the extent that I realise this truth my life will get a radical upgrade.
I can then no longer blame God (or myself) but realise that in the same way that I’m a “co-air” with Christ, I’m also a co-creator. A creator has the ability to decide and create. To call things out of thin air into existence.
Life and troubles happen, yes, but as one in union with Christ, life and death does not have the final say.
If our starting point is separation from God then we end up broken and bitter. Blaming a distant Deity for its failures, But if our starting point is union with God then we are forced to discover who we truly are.
Tuesday, January 29, 2019
The Contract God vs the Covenant God
The contract God says: I will do this for you IF you do this for me. If you don't keep your part, neither will I.
The covenant God says: I will keep my part, even though you do not. (This is the nature of a covenant)
The contract God is all about the legality of your relationship whilst the covenant God is all about His love for you. (Even if you don't love him back)
The contract God is never pleased and is waiting for you to fail, while the covenant God is not affected by your mistakes.
A contract can be broken (with consequences from the offending party's side), this covenant not.
For those who do not know - a double sided covenant was made between God and the representative of the human race - Jesus. This covenant was made without our approval or adherence to it while fully representing us in every way. Jesus became the mediator of this new covenant on behalf of the human race. A covenant of unbroken relationship, perfect in love.
This covenant was not made with me or with you, it was crafted between God and the Son of God (who represents me and you). My faith did not and does not make the covenant happen, rather I participate by faith in this already existing graceful covenant.
I cannot break it, seeing that it was not made with me, but...I can be miss out and be misled by not knowing what I am already apart of... I can focus on myself and beat myself up for failing of become prideful of my accomplishments before God -all for nothing...
No... It's all about God crafting an unbreakable covenant on my behalf, apart from my performance, fully including and representing me, leading me ever deeper into resting in the finality, beauty and perfection of a done deal.
The covenant God says: I will keep my part, even though you do not. (This is the nature of a covenant)
The contract God is all about the legality of your relationship whilst the covenant God is all about His love for you. (Even if you don't love him back)
The contract God is never pleased and is waiting for you to fail, while the covenant God is not affected by your mistakes.
A contract can be broken (with consequences from the offending party's side), this covenant not.
For those who do not know - a double sided covenant was made between God and the representative of the human race - Jesus. This covenant was made without our approval or adherence to it while fully representing us in every way. Jesus became the mediator of this new covenant on behalf of the human race. A covenant of unbroken relationship, perfect in love.
This covenant was not made with me or with you, it was crafted between God and the Son of God (who represents me and you). My faith did not and does not make the covenant happen, rather I participate by faith in this already existing graceful covenant.
I cannot break it, seeing that it was not made with me, but...I can be miss out and be misled by not knowing what I am already apart of... I can focus on myself and beat myself up for failing of become prideful of my accomplishments before God -all for nothing...
No... It's all about God crafting an unbreakable covenant on my behalf, apart from my performance, fully including and representing me, leading me ever deeper into resting in the finality, beauty and perfection of a done deal.
Saturday, May 5, 2018
Slow down and stop
Sometimes I find it difficult to slow down and stop. Its like everyone, including myself are chasing after something. What that might be differs for everyone, and mostly I don't really know why and what I'm chasing.
It's as if the atmosphere I find myself in compels me to join the hordes in the elusive race, or else face the embarrassment and rejection of being left behind, and lesser off.
While I was driving up from Cape Town to Jeffrey's bay - a 7 hour drive on the last day of a long weekend, I could not help but notice the sheer intensity of the oncoming traffic back into Cape Town. The Pimped out SUV's with bicycles, luggage and cool cat sunglasses all speeding past me like a Mexican bull stampede trying to get back to whatever they were busy with before giving it a chill over the long weekend.
I notice all these things because I myself am part of the stampede sometimes. But this day I wasn't.
We give it our 100% when in the office and part of the work force, but when its holiday time, we speed there in an attempt to wind down for a few days - trying to live a little, and then speed back to our normal lives. We have to speed, because if we miss out on the rat race, if we are not prepared enough when Monday comes, we might slack down and screw up here and there and miss out on our pay-check and the next big holiday.
I can probably judge a little because I have a great Job that allows me to work remotely - and stay out of the physical rat race when I feel like it, so maybe I judge a little unfairly. But that should not stop me from judging, for in doing so I judge myself if I may ever fall into the situation where all I have is the rat race.
In any case, after being in the rat race for 2 months, I came back to the easy coastal life and realised how hard it is for me to slow down. The more I started to slow down, the more depressed I became. Why? Well it's because I have emotional baggage because of a relationship that got screwed up a few months before getting back into the rat race.
I could not really face it, for facing it meant a lot of pain and tears. So its easier just to speed up again and chase the next thing to get whatever I'm feeling and thinking deep-down out of the way until it vanishes.
Been there done that. It doesn't work. Somewhere it will pitch up again and bite you hard in the ass. Or the next big thing you chase might also fail, and to cope with that failure you might just push harder for the next thing - until the whole skyscraper comes crashing down vertically in one big spell of dust of destruction. No thanks.
So slowing down is difficult sometimes because we have to deal with whatever we are trying not to face, and its difficult. Really difficult. Sometimes too difficult.
On the other hand, I have seen that life happens in the NOW. The more we put if off, the more we miss out on real life and postpone our own happiness to tomorrow, next month, or when I can afford that house, have that wife or that goal.
If the means with which you reached your goal was with persistent putting off the now, then maintaining the goal, or reaching the next goal will also be by the same means - putting off the now. In the end the lifespan of the goals are exponentially shorter than the putting off of life.
The only way to truly be satisfied and content is to slow down and stop. And while you're at it, face your inner demons with tears and pain - then reap the rewards of constant fulfilment in the now, rather than chasing stuff we blindly think will be better than we have right now.
Like I said, I'm judging widely, its not one shoe fits all theology here, but I know that the just of what I'm saying is true, I have experienced it in my own life.
So for me, its back to facing myself, my loneliness, emptiness, regrets and fears. And once I've faced them I know they will come up empty, because they are only a byproduct of chasing imaginary carrots anyway.
It's as if the atmosphere I find myself in compels me to join the hordes in the elusive race, or else face the embarrassment and rejection of being left behind, and lesser off.
While I was driving up from Cape Town to Jeffrey's bay - a 7 hour drive on the last day of a long weekend, I could not help but notice the sheer intensity of the oncoming traffic back into Cape Town. The Pimped out SUV's with bicycles, luggage and cool cat sunglasses all speeding past me like a Mexican bull stampede trying to get back to whatever they were busy with before giving it a chill over the long weekend.
I notice all these things because I myself am part of the stampede sometimes. But this day I wasn't.
We give it our 100% when in the office and part of the work force, but when its holiday time, we speed there in an attempt to wind down for a few days - trying to live a little, and then speed back to our normal lives. We have to speed, because if we miss out on the rat race, if we are not prepared enough when Monday comes, we might slack down and screw up here and there and miss out on our pay-check and the next big holiday.
I can probably judge a little because I have a great Job that allows me to work remotely - and stay out of the physical rat race when I feel like it, so maybe I judge a little unfairly. But that should not stop me from judging, for in doing so I judge myself if I may ever fall into the situation where all I have is the rat race.
In any case, after being in the rat race for 2 months, I came back to the easy coastal life and realised how hard it is for me to slow down. The more I started to slow down, the more depressed I became. Why? Well it's because I have emotional baggage because of a relationship that got screwed up a few months before getting back into the rat race.
I could not really face it, for facing it meant a lot of pain and tears. So its easier just to speed up again and chase the next thing to get whatever I'm feeling and thinking deep-down out of the way until it vanishes.
Been there done that. It doesn't work. Somewhere it will pitch up again and bite you hard in the ass. Or the next big thing you chase might also fail, and to cope with that failure you might just push harder for the next thing - until the whole skyscraper comes crashing down vertically in one big spell of dust of destruction. No thanks.
So slowing down is difficult sometimes because we have to deal with whatever we are trying not to face, and its difficult. Really difficult. Sometimes too difficult.
On the other hand, I have seen that life happens in the NOW. The more we put if off, the more we miss out on real life and postpone our own happiness to tomorrow, next month, or when I can afford that house, have that wife or that goal.
If the means with which you reached your goal was with persistent putting off the now, then maintaining the goal, or reaching the next goal will also be by the same means - putting off the now. In the end the lifespan of the goals are exponentially shorter than the putting off of life.
The only way to truly be satisfied and content is to slow down and stop. And while you're at it, face your inner demons with tears and pain - then reap the rewards of constant fulfilment in the now, rather than chasing stuff we blindly think will be better than we have right now.
Like I said, I'm judging widely, its not one shoe fits all theology here, but I know that the just of what I'm saying is true, I have experienced it in my own life.
So for me, its back to facing myself, my loneliness, emptiness, regrets and fears. And once I've faced them I know they will come up empty, because they are only a byproduct of chasing imaginary carrots anyway.
Monday, April 17, 2017
In the midst of suffering
We can't choose circumstances. Sometimes we can, but other times we realize that we can't. It might sound elementary, but as a Christian, we sometimes expect everything to turn out wonderful and great, and if it doesn't then we surely should be able, by the grace of God to get our of that situation. Jesus paid the price for us to escape didn't he?
If we do not find a way out, then it means we do not have enough faith or strength (which is already provided by Jesus on the cross) for us to overcome the situation, right?
The other way of looking at it -suffering, that is, is to see that it is God causing the suffering... That he somehow has a hand in it and does not liberate us from it for some or the other reason. We might then conclude that God is trying to teach us something.
I have found that both of theses and neither of these provide the right answer, nor do any of these reasonings provide me with peace or rest in my heart.
It seems that suffering is inevitable in this life, we have to accept it. The reason for why that is so, is not as important as what we do with the suffering we are experiencing. The worst thing you and I can do is to try fight against it without accepting it and first and praising God in the midst of it. Let me explain:
The more I find myself trying to escape my suffering, the less joy and peace I have. It decreases in direct correlation with the amount of effort I put into trying to reduce it. But once I realized that I can have the same joy in the suffering as what I have in the wonderful times, that changes everything. Now it is no longer a battle trying to get free, but to see that the escape is right here.
If I am in this situation, and I have tried to get out, and cannot get out, then God is aware that I am here, that I can't escape and He is ok with my circumstances. He knows where I am and knows I cannot get out, and doesn't expect me to either...
Think of Paul being captured and being put in a deep dark dungeon. He knows he can do nothing to escape. He probably asked God a few times to set him free, but after a while He gave up on asking and accepted it and instead reverted to Praising God. Praising God has the equivalent satisfaction as being set free, perhaps even more so. So Paul, could in the dungeon, still praise God and enter into his lovingkindness despite the external circumstances. The external circumstances will take care of themselves. God is still there and fully able to release you at the blink of an eye, but we need to see that the release is to stop looking to the outside of our cage and to look to the inside where God is standing right beside us.
The more we focus on "trying" to get free, the more we will miss the joy that has always been right here. If we think we can only have peace, prosperity and freedom when everything is going great, we will only find it in the great going times, what a shame. We miss out on the fact that we can have it all the time. Perhaps God is gracious in allowing suffering to make us let go of trying to find joy and freedom in fleeting places and point us to the eternal, never-ending well of his loving spirit.
The key for me is letting go of trying to change things and circumstances. I do not have control over it, and neither am I supposed to. Once this is realized, I am free to find peace in suffering and know that God is right here and is inviting me into his glorious presence right now and right here.
If we do not find a way out, then it means we do not have enough faith or strength (which is already provided by Jesus on the cross) for us to overcome the situation, right?
The other way of looking at it -suffering, that is, is to see that it is God causing the suffering... That he somehow has a hand in it and does not liberate us from it for some or the other reason. We might then conclude that God is trying to teach us something.
I have found that both of theses and neither of these provide the right answer, nor do any of these reasonings provide me with peace or rest in my heart.
It seems that suffering is inevitable in this life, we have to accept it. The reason for why that is so, is not as important as what we do with the suffering we are experiencing. The worst thing you and I can do is to try fight against it without accepting it and first and praising God in the midst of it. Let me explain:
The more I find myself trying to escape my suffering, the less joy and peace I have. It decreases in direct correlation with the amount of effort I put into trying to reduce it. But once I realized that I can have the same joy in the suffering as what I have in the wonderful times, that changes everything. Now it is no longer a battle trying to get free, but to see that the escape is right here.
If I am in this situation, and I have tried to get out, and cannot get out, then God is aware that I am here, that I can't escape and He is ok with my circumstances. He knows where I am and knows I cannot get out, and doesn't expect me to either...
Think of Paul being captured and being put in a deep dark dungeon. He knows he can do nothing to escape. He probably asked God a few times to set him free, but after a while He gave up on asking and accepted it and instead reverted to Praising God. Praising God has the equivalent satisfaction as being set free, perhaps even more so. So Paul, could in the dungeon, still praise God and enter into his lovingkindness despite the external circumstances. The external circumstances will take care of themselves. God is still there and fully able to release you at the blink of an eye, but we need to see that the release is to stop looking to the outside of our cage and to look to the inside where God is standing right beside us.
The more we focus on "trying" to get free, the more we will miss the joy that has always been right here. If we think we can only have peace, prosperity and freedom when everything is going great, we will only find it in the great going times, what a shame. We miss out on the fact that we can have it all the time. Perhaps God is gracious in allowing suffering to make us let go of trying to find joy and freedom in fleeting places and point us to the eternal, never-ending well of his loving spirit.
The key for me is letting go of trying to change things and circumstances. I do not have control over it, and neither am I supposed to. Once this is realized, I am free to find peace in suffering and know that God is right here and is inviting me into his glorious presence right now and right here.
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